Porter Doll

Porter crossed the bridge on Tuesday June 17th and our lives will never be the same. We lost our baby girl and there's no way we'll ever be able to do her justice trying to describe what she meant to our lives and how loving and perfect she was. We could write a novel and it still wouldn't be enough.

We picked Porter up in 2015 after arriving back from Mexico and I remember Laura sitting in the back seat with her on the way home. She was our perfect little Polar Bear as we often called her with her fluffy white coat. She had a couple of medical issues with her eye and lady parts rather quickly so I joked that we got a lemon, but she was an amazing puppy and learned quickly and all of those medical issues resolved. We had so much fun her first couple of years where we headed to Acadia and Outer Banks and Hilton Head.

Because my first girl Buckeye, and tons of research we decided to wait to get her spayed until after her 1st heat. That was a fun experience. We literally had to jump in between her and a dog who jumped some fences to try.

At 1.5 years old, again because of Buckeye, we did some bloodwork to get a baseline to monitor from. Out lives changed forever that day. Porter was diagnosed with kidney dysplasia and we were told she would be lucky to make it to 2 or 3. Of course this was simply unacceptable.

For 8.5 years, I've been part of several amazing groups and done copious amounts of research and somehow we almost got her to 10. That was my goal and what I prayed for.

Nobody could probably ever comprehend what this diagnosis meant for her or how much it changed our lives. We immediately changed her diet to a kidney friendly diet. Found supplements, special pills, eventually had her on medication for protein in her urine, checked her blood pressure, regular bloodwork, and of course, constant worry every time something changed. We have 8.5 years of sheets of paper we tracked every single day of pills and water drinking and anything else out of the ordinary. It was a long, hard, road with her and we often feel guilty sometimes for not letting her be a dog trying to protect her, but more on that later.

Everything we did was for her. When we got up and when we could leave or how long we could stay somewhere all revolved around her feeding times due to need for water in her food and potty breaks 2 hours afterwards and timing before feeding with pills. We had cameras in the house to monitor her and make sure she was always ok.

Porter was amazing but super unlucky. We had a mast cell tumor removed from her head. She had some other lumps and bumps along the way like most goldens, but fortunately none of those were really bad. She had Horners syndrome where we thought she had a stroke and were losing her. Her face and eyes drooped, she was drooling non stop and her eye would not blink. We thought that was the end, but it all resolved within about 6 months.

6 weeks ago was probably the beginning of the end. Porter had 3 seizures and was hospitalized at Medvet where they got them to stop. We took her home and she was on anti seizure meds until the end. I was not there and can't imagine how scary that was for Laura to watch. The first 2 weeks after were hard watching her stumble into things and lose her sight in one eye. They suspected a brain tumor given her age and lack of issues on bloodwork, but we weren't putting her through anesthesia to get an MRI knowing we weren't doing surgery or chemo or radiation. She mostly adapted and eventually walked and acted relatively well once she got used to the drug. We made sure everything was moved and protected by pillows so she wouldn't hurt herself. We slept on the couch and a futon mattress in the family room the last 6 weeks and we'd have done it for 2 more years if she would have let us.

Unfortunately, those kidneys I had been monitoring ever so closely were quickly deteriorating while we focused on the seizures. We don't know how it happened so fast, but they just went downhill so fast. She stopped eating no matter what we tried, foods she had never been given because she almost never had anything but her kidney food which we also disguised as treats. We really struggled with what to do.

Ultimately, she couldn't keep food down and she was throwing up her seizure pills and we wonder if she might have also had cancer or something else in her system keeping her from being able to digest things. We didn't want her to suffer or to have a massive seizure and have that be her ending. Ultimately, her kidneys were in failure and it is impossible to know if 2 or 3 or 4 days of fluids at the hospital would help or if she would just return to a state where she couldn't eat or keep anything down.

Porter was our everything, our child, our companion, our travel buddy, our responsibility, our emotional support, our heart, soul, and most of all our best friend. Our hearts are completely shattered and we wonder if we did it too soon or if we should have hospitalized her to try and stabilize her and see if she could come back, but she wasnt eating anything and didn't look good, wasn't herself and pretty much just slept and got up to go potty. I don't know that we'll ever stop second guessing ourselves and a day later waking up without her, would like to go back and at least try to get her fluids and see if she would start eating again.

The guilt is incredible and haunting and all the what ifs going through our heads, but Porter had a life most dogs could only dream of.

We always joked that Porters go on vacation and kitties stay home. We haven't been on a vacation without her in probably 5 or more years as we didn't want her to be without us and never knew how much time we had with her.

Porter went to

Acadia

Hilton head

Shenendoah

Myrtle Beach

Smoky Mountains

Hocking Hills

Red River Gorge

Poconos

Cleveland

Naples, NY - her favorite place in the world besides home

Newland, NC

Travers city, MI

Outer Banks

Birmingham

Grand Rapids, MI

Every local metropark here and in Cleveland

Friends houses

She had sleepovers with friends She had visitors from Cleveland

Laura heard a quote the other day about how dogs only get to see what we show them and most dogs never leave a 3 mile radius. If you have a furbaby, I encourage you to show them the world. Porter loved our adventures and we would give everything for just one more.

I don't even know how to share all of the other special times we had and how much she was a part of our lives. Walks in the neighborhood, car rides to every park in Columbus, visits with us to every brewery, all of our trips, sleeping in bed with us, bonfires in the backyard, trips with family and friends, every holiday, birthday. Her loss with us of Leo and Blue and Quieey her fury kitty friends. The amazing times she provided comfort and would put her head in our laps whe she knew we were sad inclduing the loss of my sister and Laura's dad. Watching her stare out the window from her chair in the front room where she would sit for hours and watch the days go by. Sitting on the back porch watching the squirrels and birds and deer. Jumping up on her couch to watch TV with us. Running around with a stick in the back yard with us scared she was going to hurt herself. Walks in the creek, rides in the kayak, swimming in the lake, running from the waves of the ocean. Grabbing a toy to take to anyone who walked in the house or whoever was coming down the stairs, she had to welcome you or say good morning with a toy.

I'll never forget two special pictures we have of her. One with my sister hugging her and another with Laura's dad hugging her.

There was a saying we always said "Everyone loves The Porter," and it was true. She never met anyone she didn't love. She was kind, loving, sweet, so smart, so aware of what we needed. She loved our neighbors and we cant thank many of them enough for all of their support throughout the years.

I don't know how we do this without her. She was literally a part of every single thing we did and every decision we made. For the first time in 25 years, we don't have a furbaby to feed or let out or worry about and it's absolutely awful.

Thank you Porter for every memory, every moment, every kiss, every hug, every trip. You were our everything and I hope you knew how much we loved you and that we didn't fail you in the end. If there's no heaven where we see you again, then heaven doesn't exist. You fought so hard for so many years and if we had to do this all over again, we sign up in a heartbeat

Good night my sweet girl. You were the best girl ever and we can never thank you enough for the gift and blessing of your life with us.